Autism as our Evolution ~
For many parents of children diagnosed with Autism, evolution of humanity is not something they jump too easily. Grieving the child you dreamed about for 9 months and typically 1 1/2 years just prior to diagnosis, tears, exhaustion, frustration, sadness, anger and despair are often the first emotions that come to mind. As a parent of a child diagnosed with autism in 2001, I can certainly relate to any negative emotion associated with this diagnosis. I have been there, I have felt every negative emotion including the fleeting thought of finding relief in any way I could, the taboo, suicide. While there are some who flinch at the thought of my candidness about such a taboo, I find it important to express a very real expression of my despair, in order for my parent friends to understand, I have been where they might be in their experience. Because of that great contrast I came to understand I was not willing to go in that direction nor was I willing to live a lifetime full of despair and struggle.
We all find relief in any way we can, it is the human flight or fight we have been gifted with. I have found a different way of being that did not include leaving this physical body or fighting in the typical sense. Certainly I fought initially, doctors, school districts, regional center, teachers unwilling to teach my son even though we are tax paying citizens and it is their job, a principal willing to back her teachers but not a six-year-old child and other parents telling me ‘our son did not belong in their school, there are schools for children like him.‘ All of those things simply did not feel good.
To make a long story short, over the past decade I became aware of energy and vibration, including my own gifts from within I tried so hard to hide for a lifetime. I became aware or better said, I remembered we have many ways of communicating on multidimensional levels that move beyond words, beyond speech and language, that these children are able to feel our emotions from within, often communicating telepathically with us and that I am not the only parent to come to this understanding, which is beyond exciting to me. I recognized this child was and is a mostly pure being who reflects energy and vibration and when he acts out, he is mirroring his environment, he is reflecting back to those in his immediate surroundings the discomfort they are feeling from within. So rather than seeing these children as disordered, disabled or that we need to change them, it would serve us better if we asked ourselves, “What can I learn from this child?” “What is he/she reflecting back to me that will benefit both of us?” and “When I think of this child as disordered, that there is something wrong with him and I must change him so I can feel better or so society will embrace him, what message am I sending to him?”
These children are so very aware, so brilliant, so capable and just because we may not have the ability to communicate with them in a way that is meaningful to us does not mean they are less than. As long as we see them as disordered, they will continue to perpetuate our belief about them, showing us, mirroring or reflecting a disordered side to them. As we are able, moment by moment, thought by thought to begin to see them as capable, relaxing into the knowledge that nothing went wrong, we as parents did not do anything wrong and that these children got it just right. They wanted to come into this life experience different enough we could not demand them into conforming, we will open our hearts and minds to the gifts they have brought to all of us ~