Evolution of Communication ~

All of us parents of children diagnosed with autism know all too well, many of our children lose their ability to verbally communicate with us or never learn to communicate verbally. From the moment we are given this diagnosis of a disability known as autism, we begin to search for a way of changing our children, of curing them so they no longer have this disorder. I know, I was there, as I recall that time in my life, I can feel the negative emotion within my tummy.

It has been quite the journey for our family, I have been where many of my dear parent friends are, in the mode of wanting to cure my child, whatever the cost, struggling uphill all the way. Then I came to a point where the cost became too great, not financially speaking, although that can be daunting as well. The cost I speak of is, how much discomfort was I willing to put my child through. When I was ready to sign Connor up for a placebo study at a nearby University which would include daily injections and there was a 50/50 chance Connor would receive an injection with the placebo, not the ‘cure’ (even though I know there isn’t a ‘cure’) that was when I stopped all motion forward. Through my own decision of releasing the need to change or cure Connor in any way, a path to follow opened up for me. When I stopped pushing against this disorder, who my son is and who he came forth to be, my world began opening up in ways I could never have imagined.

Have you ever tried to push a door open, it would not open, only to realize there was a sign that said, pull to open? When you stopped trying to push it open and pulled it instead, it opened with ease……As I stopped pushing against autism, the path of least resistance opened up. I made the decision to be in Connor’s life in any way I could, not on my terms, on his, I would follow his lead. I would observe, witness, become his student and find anyway of meeting him on his terms. This has served me so incredibly well. He has shown me how to be patient, how to love unconditionally, how to align with self, how to be in the moment and now he is teaching me how to communicate beyond words.

There are times Connor still needs my help with personal needs. My husband and I have an agreement, if Connor needs me while we are sleeping and calls me and I do not hear him, Eric can let me know and I will tend to Connor. It allows for ease and flow in our home and it works for us. This morning was one of those times.

I was sleeping soundly and Connor called for me, I did not however ‘hear’ him with my physical ears. Just before I awoke, Connor came to me in my sleep with his sweet face and in a whisper said, “Hi Mom!” The next moment my husband said, “Connor is calling you from downstairs, did you hear him?” I giggled as I got out of bed thinking to myself, yes, I did hear him, just in a different way than my darling husband did.

A decade ago, I would have not given this scenario a second thought but today, I know all too well, this form of communication many call telepathy is becoming a frequent way I am understanding or communicating with our son. We are not special in this way, we all have the ability to communicate telepathically, I am simply becoming increasingly aware of this way of being and I am hearing/seeing/feeling/knowing him more frequently. I know as time moves forward Connor will help me fine tune my abilities. If Connor had always been able to communicate verbally, I would never have had the desire to awaken in the ways I have and know I will continue to awaken. I am thrilled for humanity as I ponder the evolution of communication. Are you listening?



  1. ianmath

    I read your post this morning, and am intrigued. I’ve been interested in working with children with autism for many years, and with any luck will finally be starting my education next fall. My highest area of interest is giving people without verbal skills other means of communication. Are you familiar with any of the communication apps now available for ipad or iphone. These may require skills beyond your son’s knowledge, or may not. Two that I’m aware of are called Tap to Talk and proloquo2go. I don’t know if either of these is set up to alert someone from another room, but it might be something to look into.
    Have a wonderful day. Thanks for sharing your stories.

    • We have never really used other forms of communication, I do remember at one time thinking about sign language but the evolution of our communication moved at a fast pace and ultimately we did not need it. Although his language was limited, I have always been able to ‘know’ what he needed when ‘I’ got out of the way. Meaning, when I stopped putting what I thought he needed into the mix, listening to him, I ‘heard’ him. It is a fine line, but there is a definite distinction.
      We did try PECS in the early days, but those were frustrating to him, many thought well, he just ‘can’t’ do it. It wasn’t that he could not do it, it was the fact that that form of communication was too slow. Now know why, it was frustrating to him because we were trying to get him to do something else to communicate when he knew better ways. For many of these kids, when something like PECS is introduced, if they choose not to do it, many think it is beyond what they are ‘able’ or capable of, but in truth, it reminds me of a cartoon, where someone of a higher intelligence says, “silly humans”. Hee hee
      That made me giggle. Think of it as having a really, really cool, really, really fast car and then someone wants you to ride a bicycle instead to get where you are going…..imagine the frustration in wanting to use your awesome, fast car which you have complete confidence in, know the speed it will take to get where you want to go and someone else wanting you to use the bike instead.

      The ipad is successful for many of our kids (mostly because it is high tech enough, these kids will allow it to be used to help them, our kids are the new technology, we, as a society simply have not ‘caught up’). Connor communicates very well at this stage, verbally and telepathically so we do not find the need to go to this. If however, he was unable to communicate as well as he does, or better said, if I could not communicate well with him, I would ask him to do that for me, so I would have the understanding needed.

      These children are brilliant, even when they ‘appear’ to not be listening, there is so much more going on and we as a society have only touched the surface to what is to come!

      • If we took a similar approach to children that aren’t autistic, wouldn’t those children also benefit?

      • YES, Steve! (smiles) I believe that is why we have so many children coming for diagnosed as autistic, ADD, ADHD. They are coming forth unable to conform so easily and acquiesce to the powers that be. I recognize many simply see the ‘problem’ associated with a disorder, I however see the solution on a grander scale.

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