I found Peace in Autism

It may be hard to believe for some, but I have found Peace in Autism. It did not begin this way, there were the very natural emotions of loss and grief for the child I had dreamed of and experienced for the first year and a half of his life. The brief thought of taking my own life or wishing I had not had a third child, because I would not have to deal with autism if one of us no longer existed. Then there was guilt, what kind of mother would desire taking her own life just because life was so difficult? What kind of mother would wish she had not had this precious gift, just so she would not have to deal with his so-called disability?

In all of that, I recognize I was simply looking for relief, relief from the life sucking depression I was in, relief from the internal discomfort and pain I was feeling. Discomfort when I looked at the thoughts I was thinking from the prism of judgment from others outside of me and my family. That was it, I was reaching for relief from my great discomfort and then I felt the perceived sting of being judged from others, even though no one could read my thoughts. It was all self-imposed judgment of what I thought others might think of me as I reached for better feeling thoughts.

I am struck by the many facets within this experience of autism that brought to the surface just how much what others think or what I perceive others to be thinking played a part in my own growth and expansion, or limiting thoughts and beliefs from within. It has been the biggest lesson I believe, one I am still fine-tuning, all brought about by this precious boy that I love and adore more than life itself and the bigger picture this plays in becoming a truly authentic person. Not becoming more authentic for anyone else, but becoming truly authentic for Tracie, because nothing feels better than finding a feeling place within, where there is peace, calm and contentment. Nothing feels better than not giving a rip what others think about me or this child. It is as if, and it is my knowing of this truth, my truth, this child cares not that I feel good from within, but that I am fully aware of how I feel from within, and if I am in a place of discomfort, I am then able to move into a better feeling place, which creates more of what I desire coming into fruition. Dismantling or tearing down those deeply ingrained illusions I have held since my youth of caring more about what others think about me, than what I think about me. How did we get so off course in our way of seeing and thinking within society?

Everything we now do within our home is done from a feeling place, lovingly and sometimes not so lovingly taught to us by this little boy of ours who feels his way through life. What we do, what we say, what we think, for the most part after all we are beautifully human, we always ask ourselves, “How does it make us feel from within?” Leaving the judgment of the world out of our decisions and this has proved to be the ultimate freedom. We create our reality from the thoughts we predominately think, I believe it is completely brilliant that this population diagnosed with autism, cares so much more about feeling wonderful than caring about what others think. It is as if our collective societal consciousness sent out the desire to shift our collective perspective from one of judgment and caring what others think about us, to the desire to be happier within, free from judgment, free from bondage, free from caring whether others approve of how we live our lives because Law of attraction will sort out all of our rendezvous. If we are predominately happy, we will only come across and co-create with others who are predominately happy. If we predominately push against everyone and everything just because they hold differing beliefs than we do, we will co-create with more people who push against us and hold differing beliefs. And when you think about this on a global scale, all of those who simply desire being happy no matter what their race is, sexual orientation, no matter who they want to marry, no matter what political party they belong to, isn’t the only reason we want anything is because we believe we will be happier once we have it? And who has the right to make decisions for anyone else? This is SO BIG!! This magnificent population is coming forth to teach all of us FREEDOM! Freedom from self-imposed bondage and it is up to all of us individually, do we choose to see, feel and know this incredible lesson they have come forth to share with all of us? Or do we keep our heads down and keep everyone in their place, full of judgment over others because that is what we have self-imposed over ourselves for generations?

What I know for certain is, we as a family are always doing our best. We live our lives doing, being, loving and living from a place that feels good from within, the heart of our human experience. We do not need the approval of others to know for certain we are living a magnificent life because we are the ones who are living it and the approval of others is not needed, requested or taken into consideration unless it resonates fully from within and it is my profound knowing from within, this is part of the reason these children are coming into our experience. They know the ultimate freedom in living unconditionally, from a place or space of unconditional love. Left to their own devices, they do not need your approval of them to be truly happy. Of course there are some square pegs who may be pounded long enough into that round hole where they finally give in just to keep the peace within their life experience, but many more are coming forth non-conformable, they are coming forth determined not to conform in the way so many have for generations because the majority of us are living in the bondage of caring what others think about us, even when we are living wonderful lives.

I know for certain, although how we choose to live our life may not be for everyone, I know we are doing right by our children because they are truly happy. There is a contentment, ease, flow, a general sense of well-being that is undeniable. Even in the midst of this label given to our youngest child, we have found a lovely dance, a lovely way of being that works for us. It will look just a little bit different for every family but I know this way of ‘being’ works because we have found Peace with Awetism. We are defying the odds and you and your family can too. If someone who has been to the depths of what I call my own hell on earth and made a shift, finding peace, love and true JOY against the odds, each and every one of us can no matter what we are up against.

With Great Love and Appreciation for all,



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