Listen with All of your Heart
Many of our children diagnosed with autism are non-verbal, language may come then go and come back once again, and there are those who stay non-verbal. Connor was a little guy who had language and then began to regress in all areas including speech and language and now at the age of 12, he speaks of those things he loves so very much, those things that make him happy and laugh. When asked questions he will answer with as little language as possible unless it is on a favorite subject of his.
It is such an interesting subject as I ponder all of this. Learning this child had autism and living with it in those early days was difficult certainly and yet, I can see the beauty in all of it, yes, I can see the absolute beauty in the past decade. Because of Connor’s inability to speak his needs, there was great frustration on his part and on mine. For a while, I was preoccupied with all of the things I must do and Connor would slow his pace even more so. I could not understand it, didn’t he realize all that I had to do as a wife and mother? I was tired, tired of pushing against, tired of chasing my tail, tired of fighting Connor, tired of fighting the school district, tired of fighting society and their inability to be compassionate for all we had going on in our home and the struggle we faced daily. I knew I had to make a change and I knew I had to do it because I had been so unsuccessful at changing this child or anyone else. The harder I pushed the more determined it seemed he was to stand his ground. I knew I had to be the one to change, I was the only one who could change within, I became more powerfully aware than I had ever experienced, I had no control over anyone or anything other than myself and this child is the one who brought this awareness to me in such a powerful way. So it became my job, my mission to get to know him on a deeper level to understand this child more, not in an effort to change him, cure him or trick him into changing. This child demanded authenticity from me, if I tried to approach him without a solid intention within, there was no movement forward, I had to be in alignment with source, God, my inner being. I had to be centered and balanced and I found………….I really liked being centered and balanced. I followed his lead, I observed all he enjoyed doing and then I would take the time to try to understand all I could about what he enjoyed, why he enjoyed what he did.
What I learned more than anything was not only did I love and adore this child as any mother does, I learned to love him unconditionally with all of my heart. To love this child unconditionally meant, I did not need him to change who he was or what he did in order for me to love him fully and completely. I understood I was able to give up the discomfort I believed at first that something went wrong, that there was something wrong with him or something inappropriate was done to him or our family and that is why he had autism. Once I released all of that discomfort, all of that negative emotion, I had the profound awareness that everything had gone just right and I no longer had to need or desire to get anyone else to see life through my point of view because I knew by the way it felt that is was just right for me. I found the more I observed, the more I witnessed him, his joys, his playfulness, rather than him taking a stance of being challenged, the more ease was within his person. The more ease he felt the more a window began to open within him, the more he allowed me into his world. We began what felt like a dance of ease and flow, as I observed, allowed and delighted in all he did, he became willing to let me into his world.
What this child was demanding from me was for me to become balanced and centered within, aligned with source or God, authentic not for him, but for me.
Everything this child taught me, everything he teaches is about a way of BEing in this world that ‘feel’s wonderful. This population ‘feels’ their way through life. If it does not ‘feel’ good from within, they do not want anything to do with it, nothing personal, if it feels off, they simply turn their attention away from it unless they are challenged or made to do something, then you witness behaviors ranging from minor discomfort to all out rage and everything in between. Now think of a world where we sort and sift through the variety of life, turning our attention to what we desire or what our preference becomes out of the variety and allow law of attraction which is always faithful to gather all cooperative components together for us. What a magnificent life experience we could all be living. So, it is my hope, it is my desire, it is my intention to plant seeds within the hearts of as many as are willing to simply contemplate the possibility that maybe, just maybe as we all begin to Listen with our all-knowing Hearts rather than our brilliant minds for just a little while, maybe we can come to an appreciation for the gift this population has to offer humanity.
With great love and appreciation for our journey in this life experience,