Are you a “Controller”?
I so appreciate clarity comes to us always on so many things within our life experience, even when we have not thought about it for quite a while, this happened to me this morning. As I was doing some gardening, a moment in time from a few years ago popped into my head and I saw with clarity the unfolding of the event and why it all came about. For many years of my life, I tried to ‘control’ situations, events, what others thought about me. I now know, we are not able to nor can we control anything or anyone else except our own emotions and responses to everything around us, but that was not always the case. The more I tried to control everything, the more I gave away my own power within, the more I gave away my power within, I began to feel helpless, as I began to feel helpless I began living in despair. By the time Connor was diagnosed with autism in 2001, I was ripe for full-blown depression and that is exactly where I went.
It is my belief we get the same vibration, energy or like thoughts we think about, a mirror reflection if you will of what we are living within, as I was going through a depression, I was living an experience that was not pleasing. Having a child with a disability, it was easy to blame the disability and everyone else who was unkind or hurtful to us for the anger, sadness and frustration I was feeling. When Connor was in the second grade, we were met with strong opposition when a few parents did not want our son in the same classroom with their children. Just a few parents mind you but it was enough to add to the sadness and despair I was already experiencing.
One weekend, I received a phone call from one of the parents, expressing how all of the parents did not want our son in this classroom and that there were places for children like our son and that is where he should be. I expressed our son’s right to be in the same classroom and she expressed her sons right not to have him there. Both of us were trying our best to control the situation and the more we each tried to persuade the other, the more each of us dug in our heals about how we saw things and you know what, both of us were correct! Why? Because we all create our own reality whether we are aware of it or not with the beliefs we hold and a belief is a thought we keep thinking.
This morning as this scenario came into my head and the perfection of the clarity I felt within as I pondered this, I recognized all she was trying to do, this mother who loved her child as much as I loved my Connor, she was just trying her best to feel better and she thought, if she could control the situation, if she could control who was in the classroom, her son would have a better experience and then she would feel better. Isn’t that why we want anything in the world, whether it is a home, a new job, a lover or to try to control a situation or others? So we can feel better! All this mother was trying to do was feel better.
As I have released my need (for the most part, I am still beautifully human) to control others, remember, we cannot, to control situations, none of us can, nor can we control how others see, think or speak about us, again, we cannot control any of that and I have regained my power. Not only have I gained my power back but I have a new-found understanding of the only thing I can control and that is me and my own emotions! I may not have control over anything else or what happens within my life experience but I DO have control over my reaction and how I feel about everything! Releasing control, letting everyone off the hook IS the ultimate freedom and it is available to all of us!
My JOY and Freedom always,