It’s me mom, it’s Connor!!!!
We just got back from one of our summer trips, a wonderful road trip to Oregon and we had a blast. It has been several years since we did a road trip, flying is usually our comfort level at this stage of life but we have such fond, sweet memories of ‘road tripping’ when the children were babies and toddlers when that seemed easier to handle on our own rather than on a plane full of other passengers.
Many of you know it is my perspective, our children diagnosed with autism, have the ability to mirror or amplify the environment around them, this is the case with our youngest child Connor as well. I was reminded of this once again, the day before it was time to pack up the car and head home, all of us were tired from an action packed vacation full of fun activities and although it was a great trip, we were all ready to come home and get back to our comforts we all love. Although this is how we felt, we were not ready to admit we wanted to come home but our precious Connor, being the wonderful reflector of energy or amplifier of the energy/vibration around him, showed us without question, we were done!
Connor was ‘acting up’, from my perspective his energy level was high, on ‘high’ alert, his pen tapping while drawing, was at record speed, (again, this is him amplifying energy he is feeling) agitating raw nerves even more. He did not know what to do with himself and found ‘messing’ with his siblings of great benefit. To others, viewing this from the outside, it would appear, he is just being a naughty child. From my perspective, he was feeling minor discomfort, an increase of energy/vibration and he simply did not know what to do with the excess energy he was absorbing, I could ‘see’ and ‘feel’ the energy in the house becoming like a pressure cooker. In my proactive state, I would have taken him for a walk by the lake, in my tired state, I just wanted peace. Nerves were becoming raw, Connor was not ‘minding’ or doing what he was asked and my darling husband had, had enough. He asked Connor to do something and Connor came right out and said, “No!”
I cringed, I knew that would not hold well with any parent, with the tension we were feeling, the fact that Connor said this to my husband in front of my father-in-law. I knew, my wonderful and mostly calm husband would NOT take that, especially when ‘ego’ would naturally kick in. It doesn’t matter what we have come to know and understand about our children, mutiny would not be tolerated! Connor received a rare, swift smack to his backside.
We have all seen volcanoes erupt…………..in that moment in time, the look of shock on Connors face, both hands in fists, teeth gritting, anger building with tears forming. My husband walked away and down the hall, I got up to keep Connor from following him. Not because I was worried Connor would do anything naughty but because I desired to keep anything from escalating even more. (here is what is so important in how I was feeling) In my efforting to sooth the situation, I was not mindful or balanced…..yet. I was ‘caught up’ in the emotions my husband was feeling, Connor was feeling and the energy or vibration that just took place between father and son. So, even though I wanted to soothe the situation, I was not ‘calm’. This is where I was reminded of the need to refocus, become heart centered, become balanced, come back into alignment before moving forward and yet, I had not done this. I was reacting in the way of the old paradigm, moving forward without becoming balanced within, an action I would have taken years ago before my awareness of what was going on underneath the discomfort we were all feeling. As I walked toward Connor, still in the energy of what just took place, Connor could ‘see’ I was not balanced, I was not mindful, I was not centered and he said, with tears in his eyes, “It’s me mom, it’s Connor!!” His words were spoken through his tears and desperation, in an effort to remind me he did not have control over how he was acting in that moment….and I got it. It snapped me back into remembering, seeing, feeling and knowing what was actually taking place. It was not a random act of Connor wanting to be naughty, he did not want to get into trouble. None of our children plan on what they can do so they get into trouble…their natural state of being is to feel wonderful, calm, happy and peaceful, just like us.
In that moment, I could feel my body, mind and spirit shift. In those words, Connor reminded me of ‘who he was’, not the situation that just took place, that was not ‘him’ he was simply amplifying how we were all feeling. I recognize that is subtle, and I also recognize many would look at that situation and say, ‘Well, he was being naughty, he needed a good spanking’. With all due respect, those old paradigms no longer work with our children, especially those diagnosed with autism, many other so-called disabilities, disorders or those considered ‘typical’. All of our children are coming in at a purer, more refined way of being, observe…..if a child is being reprimanded in those old ways, those old paradigms, it is my promise to you, they will rebel, the more you try to control anyone or anything, it will bounce back at you with more vigor. Our children know with everything that they are, they are free and if you do your best to try and make them conform, to try and control them, you will chase your tail BIG TIME! I’m just saying.
In the moment Connor’s words ‘hit me’, reminding me who he is, reminding me of who I am……remembering he was simply amplifying the frustration we were all feeling in the moment, I took him outside to calm him down. I reminded him (and myself) we are all tired, it was time to go home and we would be heading home very soon. I told him we all just needed to relax a bit, to be calm, to take a deep breathe, to feel more ease. Anything and everything to allow a calm feeling to come over both of us, my words were soothing him and me at the same time.
Although it would have been so much easier to say, he was acting up, he deserved to be spanked or punished and he will ‘get over it’ eventually, we are in the midst of parenting children in a very different way. Our children are different and we as parents are different, they are awakening within us, a new way of parenting, a new way of BEing. I do not want to add more confusion to your lives, I recognize there is so much we must take into consideration, only to give my example of what has and continues to awaken within me. Everything we need IS within us. The skill set we need to parent these children IS within us. All it takes is a willing heart, the willingness to observe with an open mind. A willingness to let go of those old paradigms in which we were parented, not because we were parented incorrectly but because we as a humanity are evolving. To let go of our ego in parenting so others will think or believe we are good parents. We are on a journey unlike anything in recorded history of learning to parent authentically and our children will help guide us if we are willing to let go of our ego long enough to become the student. It can be a glorious ride.