Loving the Ego ~
This morning I awoke very early, rolled over so content when I looked at the clock, realizing it was early and I could go back to sleep. The body was willing, the mind was not, it began to work and think. Typically when I awaken, I do my best to think thoughts that feel wonderful as I ponder them, I purposefully try to think of things to appreciate before my feet hit the ground, this is something I have practiced for many years now. I recognize fully by continuing this practice, my life continues to feel wonderful and I begin my day on a firm footing of positive thought which creates a wonderful beginning and more than likely it will continue throughout the day. This practice also allows more ease if something does come about during my day that is less than positive. SO much better than simply awakening and hoping everything will be OK.
I could feel my mind becoming busier and busier rather than returning back to sleep and I began to focus upon my mental list of things to appreciate. With each thought I would begin to ponder, my beloved ego would creep in and I would focus on something else I did not plan on, a worry, a disappointment, something I said I wish I had not, a moment of time I wish I could take back. At first I did not recognize I was doing this until a moment or two had passed. My thoughts felt like I was playing ping-pong between the positive and not so positive, I could feel my frustration rising, negative emotion building as the more I wanted to think positive thoughts, I was being pulled in the direction of something less pleasing. I do not try to dodge negative emotion because, negative emotion means growth and expansion, without growth and expansion we could not ride the thrills of a wonderful life. But, when I feel negative emotion, it is my intention to shift or reach for better feeling thoughts when I recognize the direction my thoughts are heading.
At first however, being so beautifully human as we all are, I was struggling with my negative emotion so early in the morning, I began to ask for help with prayer, to release my ego, I am so tired I thought, tired of playing patty-cake with the ego, with third dimension, so done with competition within and with others. So much energy seems to be releasing itself in our current reality, as if everything that no longer serves us is coming up for us to sort and sift through it with a fine-tooth comb to release what no longer serves. I am tired of politics, tired of feeling saddened by the turmoil yet again in the middle east which did not feel good. From my perspective I could feel I was tapping into the collective consciousness and the emotions everyone is feeling as humanity is releasing the old third dimensional paradigm. We are moving into the fourth and fifth dimensional way of BEing and as we do, 3D wants to hang on, it is a transition, a birth of sorts. For a moment I got angry, wanting to be done with the third dimension out of sheer exhaustion and then a light bulb. I know very well I cannot get rid of anything thinking the same thoughts I am stuck in. So how do I release my negative emotion? By loving the ego…..
In that moment I could feel relief wash over my entire body. I began to thank my ego for serving me so well. All of my life my ego has been working, working, working, doing its job, living with pride, keeping a stiff upper-lip, putting on a good ‘show’, judgment of self and others, trying to keep up with everyone else, making more money, buying nicer things, trying to prove I can do it all, being the best daughter, friend, wife, lover, mother and the list goes on and on. Yes ego has served me well and now, my beloved ego, I give you permission to rest, I know you are not used to taking the backseat but I give you my permission with such love for a job well-done. You have served me so well you deserve to simply enjoy the ride as I begin to truly love myself for who I am, for ALL I have Become, to love others as they are, releasing any judgment of self and others for what I did or what I believe they did. I no longer need to hold others accountable for my happiness it is all up to me, it always has been I simply could not see it through the veil of ego. I was using others as an excuse for my happiness. If they acted a certain way, then I can be happy. No more, no longer, I know I am the one who must create my own happiness by choosing to see everyone and everything through my heart, not my head. It is time to awaken to a way of living with more clarity, a life filled with love for self and others, to value self and others, to stand as a beacon of unconditional love for all to see so they too can awaken to this new-found freedom. We all have the ability to awaken to a new-found freedom, free from judgment, blame and competition. It is a matter of choice, loving those things that no longer serve us, sending them on their way, turning our attention to all we desire to include in our experience and focusing on those. LOVE, Tracie