A Simple Decision

I put up a good fight, I thought that was what I was supposed to do. It is what I was taught to do. I became so tired from what felt like fighting, struggling or pushing against everyone and everything, school districts, other parents who did not understand, teachers, therapists, my darling husband, my family and even our precious Connor. I was worn out body and soul and decided I had a choice to make; taking my life felt like the relief I was looking for yet, I could not leave my husband and children, my love for them pulled me back like a tether.

I was not about to live a life of struggle, pain, depression or despair, not a fun moment to think about but very, very real in my life experience…….. The quote from ‘Shawshank Redemption’ comes to mind when Morgan Freemans character ‘Red’ says, “I had to get busy livin’ or get busy dyin’. I made the decision from deep within my being to get happy, to BE Happy. To my amazement I have come appreciate that dark time because of the clarity it offered me.

I did not know how it was going to happen, how does one who is exhausted, fatigued and drowning in despair lift oneself out of the depths of the ocean? Or even continue swimming? Making the decision was the first step.
Then I began to appreciate anything and everything I could.
That was slow going at first, after all, I was not accustomed to appreciating things in the dark despair I had been playing in.
Our thoughts and beliefs are practiced within our minds all of our waking hours.
If we want to change anything, we must practice those new thoughts.
I had to practice my positive thought muscle and it had been dormant all of my life.

As I practiced appreciating life, life showed me more to appreciate, the more I found to appreciate shifted my perspective on everything and everything within my life began to respond differently to me. As I softened my stance, everything in life began to smooth out.
Does that mean life never throws me a curve ball anymore?
Nope, but now when I begin to feel struggle, I recognize all I need to do is focus on what feels best, focus on those things I appreciate and trust, have faith that everything will fall into place….It always does.

In such appreciation,
Tracie ~ ♥

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