The Children will lead them ~

spring flower tree purpleI, like all parents, love and adore all of my children.
When Connor was diagnosed with autism in 2001, I recognized within me a discrepancy, a portion of this precious child I did not like.

How can a mother who states she loves her child desire changing part of who he is simply because it did not fit in the life she imagined for herself?
Connor in turn, because he is so in-tune with me and I with him, could sense this split within my energy. He could sense the part of me that loved him but he could also sense the discrepancy within his mother because of my desire to change a portion of who he was/is.
As I was able to begin to embrace ALL of him, which includes this diagnosis called Autism, our life began to shift.
It was as if, he was patiently and sometimes, not so patiently waiting for me to come to this juxtaposition and as I reached this place/space of new understanding, a breath of fresh air began to flow to me.
This was when I began to see the light at the end of the tunnel, a glimmer of hope, of understanding; this is when I began my own awakening, an understanding of why autism has come into our world in profound numbers. It is not because anything has gone wrong as I once thought, it is not because anyone has done something inappropriate, it is to awaken within me and everyone who has the pleasure of embracing this population, to the LOVE they were before we arrived in physical form and the LOVE we are in human form. It is one of the many gifts given to all of us to awaken humanity and remember we are so much more than we have been led to believe.
LOVE,
Tracie ~ ♥

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4 Comments

  1. It was the opposite for me. I had a name for all my confusion as to why things did not work well between us.

    • For a while I too had a name as to why my life was not going the way I wanted it to as well as a name for the reason I was in such a deep depression. A depression where taking my own life sounded like the relief I was looking for. It was a brief and momentary feeling but I recognized I was not about to live my life in despair if I make the choice to continue living. I set about finding anyone who had been where I was and shifted or found a positive way of living. I could not find one person, at least back in 2001 when the internet was not as jumping with like-minded friends! I recognized I would have to find my own way and I have. Does this mean life is perfect? Nope, just today Connor had a rough day at school but, my reaction to it is very different as well!
      It is my desire for everyone to be able to make this shift within themselves, if they so choose because life truly is what we make of it. Love, Tracie

  2. What a wonderful post. I also feel that I’ve learnt what it means to truly love my son and myself because love goes beyond words, beyond human form.

    • I completely agree. Love beyond words!

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