What Autism is teaching ME

2012-08-21_10-21-05_765

I feel as though I am evolving or morphing in the direction of those with autism as I observe those things I once fussed and worried about simply fall away. Connor does not have those hang ups the majority of us have. He lives in the moment rather than lamenting on the past; who did what to me and why. He doesn’t worry about the future like we do. He lives in the now, not only does he live in the now, he relishes the now, squeezing as much life as possible out of each moment……

So many people are doing their best to push against this population, to try to change them or mold them into what is perceived as the “norm”. I understand that, I did my share of trying to change our Connor when he was little with therapies, behavior modification, sound therapy and the list goes on. We have all been conditioned to believe if someone is different from the majority then something went wrong with this population either in the familial genes, in the womb or the environment. While I do believe this population is more sensitive to toxins or things that are not organic in nature, they are an amplified human being. I do not believe anything went wrong in fact, I believe we are evolving beautifully, fine-tuning as we go along.

From my perspective, there is an entire population of masters teaching all of us and some are diagnosed with autism. Each lesson in life is different, different circumstances come our way and depending upon the prism you are looking through given your own personal life experience(s), we take each moment into our being differently. Because we all have free will, some may learn from each moment or choice point and others may continue to live experiences over and over until they either make a new choice/decision in the moment which will then offer them a different outcome or they will continue to live a life of sameness and feel pretty beat up by life itself without recognizing they have a choice in choosing the direction of their thoughts.

Each life experience is perfect just as it is because it is simply and only an opportunity for growth which is why, if we recognize a pattern within our own lives and decide to change how we feel and then react to the moment, we change the outcome. If however we do not recognize the pattern, wonder “why does this always happen to me?” and fall back into the same thought patterns that got us to this choice point, we will continue to experience the moment, experience, choice point, over and over.

Although this was not always the case, I for the most part, I have given up trying to change who Connor is; I too have my beautifully human moments where I would prefer not to deal with autism. Because of my willingness to allow Connor to be who he came forth to BE, I have a very different view or perspective than many which continues to unfold beautifully, I see autism as part of our evolution. I am learning to live in the moment, to leave the past hurts, anger and discomfort behind me and I am learning not to worry about the future. Connor, I look forward to learning even more from you. Love, mom

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