Oh Captain, My Captain
“You – you alone will have the stars as no one else has them…” she wrote. “In one of the stars, I shall be living. In one of them, I shall be laughing. And so it will be as if all the stars were laughing when you look at the sky at night… You – only you will have stars that can laugh.” Zelda Williams, daughter of Robin Williams
I recognize losing a beloved can take one to their knees and it is an abrupt way to deal with pain within the heart whether it was an accident, illness or self-induced death (suicide). I now believe all death is a suicide because it is a soul’s decision to transition, hence all death is technically a suicide. I believe there is recognition or agreements on a soul level as well; sort of like cooperative components that come together for a moment, peak point or juxtaposition such as this, i.e. a spouse, children, family, and friends soul(s) desiring growth and expansion the loss of a beloved provides. Based upon free will, either one will come to a new understanding/soul growth and expansion of another’s great discomfort/death or not, (while they are in this physical life).
I know firsthand what if feels like to be smothered by depression, I did find relief in thinking about the possibility of removing myself from this life. There were SO many factors I took into account however while processing this more than a decade ago, i.e. my family, the religion of my youth, the condemnation, (hell) I may face. Ironically, one of Robin’s movies was about that in What Dreams May Come added great fear of what could possibly occur as a result of taking one’s own life. A fear I no longer hold…
For someone who actually takes their own life, they have gone beyond the point of taking into consideration what others may think/feel because the pain is so all-encompassing. They are simply seeking relief. I no longer see death the way I once did, from my now perspective, it is an instant release of our physicality into pure positive, blissful, unconditional love unlike we have never experienced here in human form. I found relief long enough to find a glimmer of hope in living (not everyone will/does find that hope) and….I am glad I stayed because of my own growth and expansion as a human being, wife, mother, friend, mentor and spirit. That does not mean I would deny another to find their own path of least resistance, nor would I encourage anyone to take their life; whatever their decision, no judgment whatsoever. Releasing all resistance within my own life continues to sound appealing when life becomes unbearable. The decision or choice to stay is a conscious one. The decision to find things to appreciate in life so I can feel better is a conscious one. I believe that is why I am so passionate about sharing my own experience of finding your way into a better and better feeling way of life and if you do not/can not find it, I no longer see the decision to take your life as a “sin” or inappropriate, who am I, who are any of us to judge another? I also now believe this so-called “hell” is the despair and great discomfort we experience on earth. Although Robin’s family is now moving through this time of missing him in his physical body, no longer able to hug, kiss or speak with him, Robin Williams is now viewing all of life from a broader perspective and we all became a lot funnier the moment his brilliance transitioned!
My Unconditional LOVE to all, Tracie